In a deeply emotional and complex situation, a young woman finds herself entangled in a web of secrecy, heartache, and profound decisions. Storming our inbox to share the sad story, she wrote;
Hello East African Vibes, I have been dating this guy for almost 4 and a half years. He also happens to be a very close family friend. Before any thoughts of dating, he was there for me during my very tough times, advising, encouraging me, and being a caring shoulder for me to cry on.
Eventually after getting very close, we started dating. I already had a child from a previous relationship and I was managing a single life all by myself.
He hadn’t been in a serious relationship before so we had to learn to adapt to each other as the love was there and we wanted to make it work. He wanted to settle down but after school, he could not get a good job so he decided to join the army instead.
The first years of the relationship and army training were very tough on us due to communication issues and distance. Very often I would call for breakups as I was scared it wouldn’t work and I did not want to waste my time considering I was a single mother.
But he wanted it to work so we would always talk through things and solve our issues. He treated me and my son very well and he would always make sure he spent time with us whenever he had the chance to. I knew one day we would settle down and that he had my best interest at heart so I never wanted to rush him too much because he had just started saving.
Fast forward to our 3rd year of relationship, we broke up again due to communication issues but shortly fixed it up. Our breakups never lasted more than a month as we would speak daily to sort things out.
He was due to travel to Ghana also for what he called a family business trip. Shortly after he arrived in Ghana he started ghosting me and when I confronted him, he blamed for me calling for too many break ups and he feared one day if we got married I would divorce him.
He also said he was scared that I would not understand his job which for him was the cause for the miscommunication in our relationship.
So we broke up again. When he came back from his trip, he texted me wanting to get back together as he had finally decided he wanted to settle down. I accepted him back. Things between us finally started to work out as his job was more flexible and he had more time for me.
6 months later, I wanted us to discuss our long-term plans and marriage as we had been dating for a while now.
He agreed, we had a good conversation, and decided to start saving properly which I was doing anyway. Few weeks after the conversation, his behavior started changing again and my instincts kept on telling me I should leave him be for if he was serious, he would pursue me.
I was getting fed up as by now I was expecting him to have initiated the Knocking rites. I suggested we should take a break. At this point, he was fed up but still wanted to make it work. Fast forward, weeks later he turned around and started accusing me of trying to control him and not allowing him to take the lead in the relationship.
I decided to listen to his complaints and try to change as I did not consider myself perfect and also we had come too far to let things fall apart. The following month, I found out I was pregnant for him, and after I told him he insisted I should abort the child.
I was very confused as I thought he was ready to settle down. He kept insisting and gaslighted me to even say things were not working out after the last break up so it was best I aborted the baby and focus on repairing the relationship.
I then came to find out he was due to get married months later and when I asked him he easily confirmed it was true.
At that point I just wanted my life to end as I did not see this coming. When and how did he manage to arrange marriage with someone else? He kept insisting I should abort the baby even knowing the complications I was going through.
He went ahead to say horrible things about how the baby I was carrying was going to ruin his life and career and that he would not have love for this child.
I was deeply confused about how I was going to be a single mom of 2 and he was also convincing me slowly to abort. He continued by adding how our society would look at me and how the relationship between our families was going to be damaged due to my decision to keep the pregnancy.
At some point, I could not believe he was getting married and I thought it was an excuse for me to get rid of the pregnancy.
Despite all the drama he would still visit me and take me and my son out but still insist I should get rid of the child so we could settle down in the right way. Sometimes he would take us to fun fairs insisting I should get on the fun rides knowing how dangerous it would have been for the fetus.
Eventually, I had to tell my parents who seemed happy for me initially, as they knew the guy was responsible and also a well-known family friend, until I told them the whole truth.
They called his family who seemed uninterested in hearing about the pregnancy and also later confirmed their son had married the year before when they went on their “family business trip to Ghana.”
Since we last communicated with the family then, we never heard from either family or the guy again. I am still carrying the pregnancy for this guy who has not made any attempts to check up on me or the pregnancy. My son loved him very much. He keeps asking about him and I just can’t tell him the truth.
